A blog about our shared experience…

My Human Family

Here’s a post that can also be found at Nineteen Months, where I write occasionally:

The concept of all people on Earth being part of one human family was in my consciousness in my upbringing, but captured my focused attention during my early young adult years. What a curious, yet familiar, notion! How is that possible when we as humans also seem to find any reason imaginable to focus on the differences between us?

So, with this fresh focus and mission to discover all that there was to learn about this “oneness”, I turned to my family for examples of how I might conceptualize elements of this idea as well as gain some concrete examples to draw upon later. All of my idealized and nostalgic notions of family and community scrolled along the hopeful marquee in my mind, making me sigh with joy at the beauty of it all…but my dear friend, Reality, needed a word with me…

As I began to take a closer look at what my family dynamics were all about, I realized that there was a good deal more to the equation than the warm and fuzzy moments that my memories of family and community life had selectively summoned. I discovered that I had glazed over the many tales that one witnesses, but doesn’t tell “strangers”. Wait…strangers? Surely not, since we are all family, no? The answer for me was yes, though it would be this ‘yes’ that was the path to learning.

So, picture a family reunion. You have the convergence of all these people coming from different cultures, socio-economic backgrounds, education levels and so on…but all perceive a shared bloodline. There’s a tie of commonality that all accept to some degree or another, whether it be last name, shared memories, pictures and so on. My family reunions are as diverse as a Prince concert. We’ve got high-rollers, business people, hard-workers, artists, scientists, politicians, the cousin who no one lets stay with the kids alone, and many more, including the cousins that you don’t ask too many questions of for fear of learning too much of the truth of their tale of woe or dark and twisted lives.

What I observed with this new lens was that the way that I had been experiencing family life was quite superficial, albeit sweet to remember. I noticed that I knew precious little about any of them beyond career, profession, child count, or location. We had seen each other every year or every couple years since I was an infant, and I could only barely recall some of my family member’s names! My mission then became to deepen my relationships with any of those I could in this environment, and I have been amazed at the rich dialogue that has emerged from it.

Now, that is within the context of someone that you regard as a “family tie” and they regard you the same. I found that the average member of my family ‘off the street’ is somewhat less inclined to engage on a level that I could expect from my blood-family. My assertion, though, is that it has everything to do with perspective. A stranger I greet on the street or bump into in a grocery store can easily become a warm friend if I perceive it to be so and they are open and receptive to it. Not always easy, but always potential. Some of my warmest relationships and trusted confidants are folks that I met by happenstance on the street, at a concert, on an Internet forum, chatting online and so on. Some of these relationships are even more intimate and impactful than my blood relationships.

My conclusion (and urgent appeal) is that we have a very big experiment to engage in — one that requires the awareness of all of our family throughout the globe. Consider this oneness, and challenge yourself to go a few steps beyond comfort to engage with your family outside of your household, socio-economic bracket, academic circle, biker club, book club, religious community, school, age group, nation and any other barrier that you can think of that seems to keep us from all the glorious experiences that are waiting behind that curtain.

2 responses

  1. sneezypb

    I find books are an interesting avenue by which I can engage in conversations with strangers about how we would handle interesting situations. Talking about a book not physically present does not have the same ability to break the ice. Perhaps because it is in a book it no longer is taboo?

    May 19, 2011 at 1:27 pm

  2. Hmmmm…interesting point. I guess it lends some legitimacy or “connectability” to an idea or experience if it’s been published.

    I’m interested in hearing a little more about how books are good ice-breakers, present or not.

    May 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

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